Living a Blessed Life

It has been a couple of weeks and we are approaching the new year with anxious anticipation. Setting goals, making resolutions, and committing to a “Word of the year” are on the minds of millions of people! A great deal of money is spent on new exercise equipment and programs, as well as health coaches, trainers, and diet plans. Whatever your focus may be, I encourage you to keep your TOP focus on the most important things. My Top Focus: Intentionally spending time with God through devotions, books, prayer, and journaling. Being present for my husband and children. Sometimes this means putting my phone away for a concentrated amount of time and engaging in conversation without interruption. Other times it means making a special treat, or simply preparing a nutritious, homemade meal. Making time for friends, in any fashion. Grabbing a treat together, chatting at a sports event, taking a walk, or even (gasp) talking on the phone ! We had a very nice Christmas with family, and I hea...

Toby’s Snow Family - welcoming all passersby. Snow has been falling for the past two days and at times it truly feels like we are living in a snowglobe. The beauty of the white blanket on the ground and the flocked trees brings all of the feels of Christmas! Living in Minnesota, many people naturally assume that we always have snow for Christmas, but that is not the case. I was recently looking at a map of snow trends over the past 50 years, and our region seems to have a brown Christmas every 3rd year, give or take. The White Christmas lends some sort of magical, peaceful feeling to our families and communities. I liken it to the effect that flowers have on mental health. Visual beauty, particularly in colorful plants and flowers, improves mental health. I wonder if there are any studies showing a correlation between snow cover and mood. Left up to me, I would hypothesize that there is an increase in mood when nature is beautiful! Maybe I should take a poll and write a paper ...

“ God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. ” — Ephesians 2:8-10 If you made it through my entire last post, CONGRATULATIONS!! That was a long, wordy compilation of thoughts. Here I am in week 2 of my recovery already, and it still feels surreal. I have shared with some friends that when I woke up from surgery I felt like I was living the movie Groundhog Day ! “I have done this before, but where am I and what is going on?” I am also waiting for Thanksgiving break… Hahaha! It is hard to believe that today is December 7th already and Christmas is only 18 days away !! I did have one minor setback last Friday. My right arm had been feeling a little sore from the IV that was removed and ...

And… I’m HOME! It was a typical Black Friday morning. The Schwarz household got showered and ready for the day, made some coffee, grabbed our coats, and headed out the door. First stop, Menards! We made our way through the store with ease and found most of the things on our list. To our surprise the checkout lines were very short, which made the experience even more enjoyable. Next stop, Target. I started feeling like I had an upset stomach while we were shopping and when we arrived at Target it was getting a bit more uncomfortable. I was a little perplexed because my diet doesn’t vary, so thinking I ate something bad was not a consideration. Darek and the kids were looking at games and toys, and I let them know I was not feeling well and I would wait for them in the car. I just needed to sit down and see if this discomfort would pass. I got to the car and took a Zofran to help with the nausea I started feeling. I was coming off of my chemo infusion week, so I thought maybe ...

“ Behind every smile is a broken heart. We are all carrying something heavy. It’s hard, in the darkness of sorrow, to believe that we are a new creation and allowed to flourish again. God can transform our sorrow as we stay connected with community. ” — Unknown Many things weigh heavy on our hearts, especially during this time of year. It feels more profound in this season when we traditionally spend more time gathered with family and dear friends. Grief seems to re-surface (personally, the loss of my father-in-law last year) and feelings and emotions compound as we experience new pain and sorrow. Grief comes in waves, or so we are told. I would liken it to a cyclical season of storms. Emotional turmoil feels equal to the physical destruction that Hurricanes, Tornadoes, Blizzards, you name it, leave with us. A song by We Are Messengers says: “Maybe it's okay if I'm not okay 'Cause the One who holds the world is holding onto me Maybe it's all right if ...

Today marked the completion of my 10th infusion! Yes, 10!!! I’m stuck between feeling relieved that this treatment is almost complete and feeling disappointed that I am not already finished. If I could submit a minor complaint it would be that this is HARD and “ I JUST WANT TO BE DONE! ” I know so many people have it worse than me and it seems unfair to them that I only have to endure 12 rounds of chemotherapy. That is the realization that brings me back to being grateful that I will be finished with this treatment soon, however, I am feeling completely selfish and I really just want to be finished now. Boo hoo, woe is me, wah wah! Okay, now I am finished feeling sorry for myself. Monday morning was the start of this week’s infusion and I had a new nurse this time. She was lighthearted and funny, so that made the morning more enjoyable. That, and the fact that the elevators were BOTH working! Have I failed to mention in the past that the elevators in the bui...

This past week was Fall Break for our kids, allowing our family the opportunity to take a much needed vacation. This trip was cancelled too many times for various reasons which all revolve around health related issues. Finally, we boarded a plane and flew to Orlando, Florida. It was a sweet trip with my parents joining us, as well as Darek’s mom and his sister and her family. One of the most memorable moments was the when our kids were surprised by the arrival of their cousins! Next to our relationship with God, there really is nothing more important than family. I would also include in this description of family - close friends: the family we choose ! We rode as many rides as possible during our days at the parks. There were a lot of firsts for our family on this trip, and if you have ever been to Disney World you already know that dozens of trips would continue to offer many firsts. Our first day was spent at Epcot exploring the many new rides and the villa...

Yesterday was HARD! Round 8 began infusing yesterday morning, and the nausea kicked in almost instantly. I have not had this response in such a strong way up to this point but here we are. Prior to the infusion I met with a Nurse Practitioner to go over blood work and discuss any symptoms, etc. He is pretty candid in his approach and he explained that the chemo compounds in the body with each infusion, so I should expect the side effects to get worse with each infusion. I guess I did know this from the beginning, but was hopeful I would be the exception and have minimal side effects despite the norm. That being said, here we are. I took anti-nausea meds for the first time at home during the day yesterday, and again last night. I noticed a few weeks ago that my hair has started thinning . Initially I thought it was post-surgery hair loss, as I had that happen the first time I had surgery. He explained that it is from the chemo, even though the regimen I am on typically doesn’t ca...

You read that right! It still feels like a lot, and it is a bit daunting, however I am down to 5 more infusions. WooHoo! The end is in sight and I will press on toward this finish line. I know and trust that where God guides, he will provide. That promise has never returned void in my life and I know that He has great plans in store for each of us. Full transparency - this was a tough round for me. I am incredibly grateful that I no longer need the Oxaliplatin with the myriad of side effect that come with it, however I have been more nauseous this time around. Yes, I do have plenty of anti-nausea meds but I am desperately trying to avoid taking them because they also have unpleasant side effects. Funny, right? That is the nature of medicine. One prescription leads to another and another and another to counteract the side effects. So, here I am working through the nausea with ginger tea, Mo Better Belly, and a lot of small meals throughout each day. “ Gi...

You read that right. We are halfway through the chemotherapy treatments and I am relieved to see an end in sight. I started chemo at the end of May (took a break for surgery) and will complete a course of 12 treatments near the beginning of December. What a Christmas gift it will be to our entire family!! In the meantime, we continue to trust God through this process, and do everything we can to bring glory and honor to Him. I do feel pretty nauseous and fatigued during these treatments, but I find that as long as I eat I feel better. Fruit seems to be the thing that satisfies my appetite best, and I have been making ginger tea in the mornings to help with the nausea. School is in full swing for us and we are entering our Fourth week! That seems pretty crazy!! If I failed to mention in previous posts, Toby signed up for Orchestra this year and is playing the Upright String Bass. We were able to find a 3/4 size for him and so far so good. He is building his core and upper body stre...

Yesterday should have been a day filled with Joy, praise, and a sense of great relief. I had my first post-op follow up appointment with my oncologist which went better than expected in many ways, however, I still spent the bulk of the day with feelings of guilt and frustration. I will dive right in here because I feel the need to get it all out in the open. There are a lot of numbers and statistics that are tossed around when it comes to medical diagnoses and it is sometimes difficult to set them on the shelf. I am not suggesting that we completely ignore important information, but I believe the statistics and numbers should simply be used as a guide, not a hard truth. Statistics have SO many variables that it is impossible to apply numbers in such a general way to an entire population of people. There is merit in scientific studies, but equally important to the end result is that very specific population with as many likenesses as possible, which cannot possibly apply to all peop...

“ And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose. ” — Romans 8:28 (I know I have posted this verse more than once recently, but I really love the Amplified version with the literal expanded translation. It is my hope that it will speak to you in a way that brings comfort to your soul the way it does mine.) Sitting in my living room with a cuddly puppy at my side and a cool breeze gently entering my home reminds me that Autumn is quickly approaching. The leaves are beginning to change on our neighborhood trees and there is dew on the grass signaling the end of summer. The change of seasons always meets me with mixed emotions. I honestly love the transition from one season to the next but I am never quite sure I am ready to say goodbye to the season we are in. Especially Summer!...

Twelve days ago the post surgical healing process began. This process has taken longer than I expected this time around. Honestly, I was expecting things to move along a little faster simply because I have been through a similar process before. I spent two days in the hospital, in a shared room! This surprised me especially because HIPAA seemed to go right out the window. I now know a great deal more than I should about my roommate, her life story, and her family, and I’m sure she feels the same about me. Her daughter and husband were there both days from 8:00 AM - just after dinner. They were incredibly kind people and I have no complaints about them, I just found it very strange that her care team didn’t bother to move to a private space to discuss her very personal health situation. On the other hand, she was experience intense pain the first night we were there and I had an incredible opportunity to pray for her. She was crying out for hours and I kept wanting to ask her if I ...

Yes!! I am home… and have been since Friday 8/13. I was discharged from the hospital early Friday afternoon and was so relieved to see my children again, sleep in my own (comfortable) bed, and simply enjoy the comforts of healing at home. Darek was by my side during most of the visiting hours while I was in the hospital. He sat with me, made sure I was comfortable, and I’m sure we talked about a lot of very important things (haha) that I cannot remember. Thankfully, he was able to keep up on some of his work while I rested (let’s be real, SLEPT). I was on a couple of different pain meds this time around, and I appreciate that the hospital staff made sure I was recovering well, and my pain was “under control.” I received pretty great care, from what I remember. This surgery was No Joke! The post op pain has been worse and longer lasting than my previous surgery. My nurses told me that liver surgery can be very painful (good to know now) so I should expect to use more pain controllin...